Tuesday, February 12, 2013

My Greatest Fear Is Turning Into Taylor Swift

Last night, I was chilling out in my hotel room, waiting for my hair to be dry enough to blowdry, and watching Two Broke Girls. (I have an irrational and all-consuming love for this tv show for re-introducing me to the incredible hotness that is Ryan Hansen. He is so much prettier than he was on Veronica Mars.) Anyway, Caroline had this total one-off line that basically went “That's so exciting! My self-esteem could really use being mistaken for Taylor Swift right now! And what does that say about my self-esteem ?” And that reminded me that turning into Taylor Swift is one of my greatest fears.

After fire.

And zombies.

I mean, obviously I’m not afraid of growing six inches and turning blonde. I actually loved being blonde but my hair decided to start having none of it after two years. It was fun while it lasted, though!

See? Blonde. Bam! Trying to show off my purple drink which looks decidedly not purple and kind of like Coke in the picture. What can you do though, yanno? I also have song lyrics written on my arm in Sharpie because that’s what I was doing that summer. New lyrics every day!

That was Taylor Swift inspired too. My fear is beginning to make more sense.

Here’s my problem. Taylor Swift is just so… acted upon. You know? Boys just do things to her and “other girls” just do things to her and she is so sweet and so peppy and so cute, how can she help it if all these so sad and so mean things keep happening to her? I mean, to listen to her music, that poor sweet girl just cannot find a nice guy. She has dated, like, 13 guys in two years! Gasp! (I also don’t really care about the dating of thirteen guys… I love dating guys. I just want to be in control of some of it – only date those I like, end things on my terms too, be treated with respect, blah blah blah.)

I don’t know, there’s a very real subtext in her music (which is based on her life, a-duh) that terrible things just happen to her and she can’t control these things and she just doesn’t do anything wrong! A victim of life rather than choices. And, really, who wants that?? Whether or not it’s true, who wants to believe that?

But here’s the thing! Taylor Swift writes weirdly specific songs, because that’s how she processes things. (Which is fine, I have a blog where I talk about how turning into Taylor Swift is my greatest fear, so… don’t even have a leg to stand on when it comes to that.) And I listen to her weirdly specific songs… and they weirdly fit very specific instances in my life – and not in the crazy “OMG! I’m 16 and I once liked a boy who didn’t like me too!” but in the “Yes, that is exactly how that happened to me with absolutely no important details changed. In fact, I said those precise words. Damnit.” Clearly, I am going down the Taylor Swift route.

Also, I really love sparkly dresses.

So, here’s the million dollar question. How can I not turn into Taylor Swift? Or, alternatively, how can I avoid fire and zombies?

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